​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Parents are not the only people who are affected by an Alienation Syndrome. This is something that has been neglected when there are older siblings involved. Sure, there are many Alienation Syndromes that are not addressed but should. Instead of PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) it should be changed to FAS (Family Alienation Syndrome). This can happen with uncles, aunts, brothers sister, cousins, grandparents etc. I want to write a little about how all these affect the family dynamics therefore please see further articles. It's hard and it feels lonely when you're the only person who is acknowledging something, and no one else will talk about it.  And, all we can do is our best, and feel whatever sadness we may need to feel. ​

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"Also PAS is just the tip of the iceberg and we should consider FAS because it more clearly defines the tremendous extent and devastation that is the Alienation Syndrome. I think FAS is a very complex issue. It is not correct to assume that the person to perpetuate the act of alienation is wrong and the one distanced is the victim. " - (Biker Bernie web blog)

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​Children, regardless of birth order or the number of siblings, seem to cope better with growing up if they feel loved by and loyal to both parents. We find that if, for whatever reasons, the parents cannot maintain a comfortable, committed partnership or if they cannot encourage their children's maturity, both the parents and their children may suffer chronic emotional stress; and the children of such families are likely to consider chronic stress to be normal.

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Only Child

​During childhood, single children often live primarily in adult worlds. If their parents have a healthy partnership, single children usually learn how to behave and how to entertain themselves. They tend to be mature and creative, although they may not relate well with other children of their own age. Later, as young adults, they may relate better to mature adults than children who grew up with siblings.

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If a single child has immature parent, one parent - often the opposite sex parent - may inappropriately bond to the child, creating lasting confusion Many years ago, Alfred Adler predicted the consequences of both parents spoiling their only child:​

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​The only child ... becomes dependent, always waiting for someone to show him the way, and searching for support. Indulged throughout his life, he is unused to difficulties, because someone has smoothed his path for him. Being constantly the centre of attention he easily acquires the feeling that he is valuable. ... He is almost certain to pick up misconceptions about life." Alfred Adler 1927​

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Single children of lonely or depressed parents may discover that they can influence their parents' moods and behavior, and they may try to 'parent' their parents. Such children may assume burdens of responsibility for maintaining their parents' moods; burdens that they may never put down ... burdens that immature parents may encourage ... burdens that may crush the children. Single children of doting parents may not learn how to deal with ordinary animosity, injustice and conflict until adulthood. They may withdraw from difficult situations and comply with more assertive children, even at personal loss. Healthier children can compete and even fight for their possessions or values – without feeling compelled to bully, harm or hurt other children.​

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Lonely children with dead or missing siblings (through adoption, abortion, infant death etc) may feel that someone important is missing, and invent phantom friends to compensate for missing siblings. Later in life they may dissociate or suffer the consequences of chronic unpleasant emotions.

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First Children

​First children often to carry the most responsibility of all siblings. If a first child dies, leaves the family or is weak, this responsibility may be taken by the next child in birth order. If the eldest child was male, and the next-in-line is female - the girl may spontaneously show tomboy behavior, as she attempts to compensate for her missing or weak older brother. If the parents want a first child to be a boy, a first girl-child may feel under pressure to be boy-like, and become a tomboy. Occasionally, parents want a girl - but have a boy. Such children, as adults, may have difficulty defining their sexual orientation and attracting a healthy partner.

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First children who were treated as special may feel distress if other people do not recognize their special-ness. This seems to prevent many first children from seeking help. Why should they change? They are special! (They may believe that they cannot benefit from help designed for ordinary people.)

 

As adults, favored children may be unable to dissolve their parental bonds and develop the maturity required for committed partnership. They may get lost in fixations, addictions or affairs as they search for substitutes for happiness.

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Brothers and Sisters

In families with more than one living child, conflicts between siblings are common, and can persist into adult life. The first two children are often have quite different personalities - the first and second-born children may seem to identify with one or the other parents (and parental expectations) and act out their parent's conflicts. Third and subsequent children often appear to have more emotional freedom. If an immature parent tries to live vicariously through the life of a child, that child risks becoming a child star. Nothing the siblings do may seem to be good enough. The child star may try and fail to carry the responsibilities of an immature or missing parent, so he or she may emotionally burn out and become a scapegoat for family problems ... a black sheep that other family members blame ... perhaps for years. Stressed children may feel highly motivated to leave home - to leave the town or even the country, with little motivation to return. As adults, these people may say, "I would get sick / go crazy if I returned!"

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Siblings who suffered a lack of parental attention may strive to gain the full attention of their parents, something that a first child, a child star or sick child may experience. Other siblings may feel that they would benefit from any failure of a child star, and resent that child's successes. This (hardly conscious) childish attitude may continue for life, unless it becomes conscious and can be assimilated.

 

Last Children

The youngest children may carry least responsibility in family systems, and be the most fun-loving. Sometimes a father may perceive the youngest daughter as his Little Princess - and enjoy her immature love. If the youngest child is male - the boy may express passive or feminine behavior to gain his parent's attention.

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Middle Childrenl

The middle children of families are often less competitive - the parents don't give as much time to each child and so most middle children learn to cooperate. They are less likely to carry the terrible burden of feeling special or wanting special treatment.

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​Birth Order

The birth order of children strongly affects how they see themselves. Research on birth order, sometimes called ordinal position, shows that first children are more likely to go to college than other children. Healthy parents can help all children to perceive themselves as unique individuals and avoid comparing themselves with their siblings or with other people.

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