Contact Order

​Contact Orders protect a parents rights to access to their children. We used to refer to "access" and many people still use this terms when discussing contact with their children. This is the right to maintain a relationship with your children. Again, this is something most couples sort out themselves but if an agreement can’t be reached, then the court can make what’s called a Contact Order to determine exactly when visits between a parent and their children should take place and where. A Contact Order can also include conditions about collection and return and the involvement of third parties. There is no such thing in Scotland as a minimal entitlement contact.  Each case and each contact order is dealt with of its own merits.

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​A contact order requires the person with whom a child lives to allow that child to have contact with a person named in the order. Types of contact vary depending on circumstances. Again, orders generally continue until the child is 16 years old. Residence and contact orders are orders of the court and failure to comply with them can be a contempt of court. This can lead to serious consequences.

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What is important when you come to agree patterns of care and contact is that you put the needs of your child above your own. The division of parenting time must also never become a weapon with which to wield power over the other parent.Each case is different. There is no one type of contact that is better than another for all situations. You need to think about how much hands-on care you can realistically provide, how much you have provided in the past and wider issues such as work commitments, getting your child to school etc. Mums can become anxious about a father's ability to provide day-to-day care, especially if they have not looked after the children for extended periods of time on their own. Very often, mothers and fathers prioritise different aspects of caring.

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It can be a sensible idea to try and agree a few basic ground rules. This might include bed times, types of food to be eaten, how often clothes may be worn before they are to be washed etc. The very best contact arrangements are those that are regular, consistent but flexible. They also need to be age appropriate. A child who is five may like to stay with you every Saturday night. By the time that child is 12, they may need the flexibility to be able to go to sleep-overs. Being able to talk to your child’s mum on an ongoing basis not only helps children but models co-operative behaviour.

 

It’s important to remember that there is no link in Scots Law between the obligation to pay child support and the entitlement to maintain a relationship with your children. This is often something that’s hard for parents to swallow but this means, for example, that many parents who are not paying child support still see their children – and many parents who are, and stress are, paying child support are not seeing their children.  There is no connection between the two.

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Research shows that those children who adjust best to life after family separation are those that have the ongoing input of both parents. Children value contact with both parents even where that is small or imperfect. Many parents find themselves in quite serious conflict over the amount of time that their children will spend with each of them. Sometimes it’s because one parent feels that they aren’t getting enough time with their child. Other times it’s because one parent feels that the other is not doing enough of the day-to-day caring.If you find yourself getting into conflict around agreeing contact, you may need to get outside help. Trained mediators may be able to offer a way forward. If things reach a point where no progress can be made, you may need to turn to the family courts for help.The law itself favours neither mothers nor fathers. When the courts come to decide any matter concerning a child’s upbringing, its paramount consideration is the welfare of the child.

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Increasingly, it is recognised that fathers have a significant role to play in their children’s lives after separation, but remember that judges may have similar prejudices and attitudes towards mothers and fathers' caring abilities to those of the general population.

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